Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
