Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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