She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i have two assholes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
