Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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