Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
