Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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