Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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