why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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