Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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