I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
