If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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