I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
