The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
