Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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