the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
