When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
