Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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