VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
