Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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