My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
