Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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