Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
