i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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