Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
