you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
