I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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