I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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