If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
