We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
