It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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