clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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