I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
