So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
