we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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