dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
