It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
