he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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