Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
