last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
