They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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