i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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