You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
