I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
