i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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