you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
