I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
