i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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