Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
