Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish my penis had a tongue
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
