I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
